I am in shock tonight. From my Facebook feed I just realised that for many of my childhood friends who I have met through the years in my country of origin before moving to the UK, it’s their kids first day at primary school this September… Because I chose to come to live my life in England before starting our family, my son who is their children same age (6), has instead just started year 2 a few days ago: he reads 4 books at a time, write stories, sometimes teaches me some physic or geographic notions and solves long rod equations…
I know what emotions my friends are talking about these days, I lived them 2 years ago when I left my son in his brand new reception class, aged 4 and wearing his very first uniform instead of our grembiulino (typical Italian school wear)… And in a few years time he will be anxious about his GCSEs and his A Levels instead of fearing the scary Baccalauréat (very strict French equivalent of A Levels)…
I wonder tonight what it would be of our lives if my husband and I had not started this adventure 12 years ago? What would it be of our little man today if we had not made of him a little Brit whose favourite food is home made pizza and favourite movie character is Monsieur Hulot? His prospectives and habits would be very different and our experience as parents would be very different too…
And now that Brexit is happening, when he will grow up what will he feel he is deep down in his heart, Italian, French or British?
I hope that with his unique experience of an Italian father, a half French mother and being raised in London, within such an open and multiethnic environment, one day he will simply reply ‘just a human being, as we all have the same needs despite cultural and social diversities…’
It is undeniable that the political events of the past few months have put a dark light on the future of Europeans living across the UK, no matter how long ago they arrived.
My husband had been considering applying for citizenship much before all of this happened, he even passed the ‘life in the UK’ test in August 2014. But because our daughter was a baby at the time and we did not get much sleep at night, we kept on pushing back filling out all the forms for him to apply for British nationality, providing the traveling diary requested which was the longest job to put together with all the papers requested.
I have been wanting to write a post on my blog about the company I work for in a long time. However I am not sure what I want to say or from where to start. My employer and I have a very complicated relationship.
It started wonderfully well: I was enthusiastic and gave my best since the start; they were very happy to have hired me and already gave me a promotion with a small increase of salary only 3 months after I joined. In the first year I worked there, I was full of hopes so I remained understanding at first with all the unkept promises of a manager position for me soon available and with the full exploitation of my abilities and my dedication to work towards a goal which (I always suspected deep down) was never really there to be reached.
Little by little I started realising (probably like every big company) how much they were systematically misleading their employees, not only me, to get them to work hard, even when they knew they could not keep their word. How many deluded people were leaving for disappointment and how high was the turn over in the admin team as very little scope for career progression was available, even to the best members of staff.
It may sound stupid but only recently I truly realized how feeling accomplished in life does not mean having the perfect marriage, always polite and cute kids, being a super patient and good tempered mother, wife, daughter, worker or friend… This is the image you sometimes perceive from the outside, when you have the impression other people are happier and more satisfied in their lives than you feel you are in that moment you look around yourself… I am pretty sure I irradiate that image myself to people who long to achieve what they can see from the exterior I have done with my life. But inevitably you hurt your loved ones sooner or later, even without wanting to, and so do they with you.
Sometimes the emotional damage of those actions cannot be undone (an affair/cheating, wrong parenting decisions with long lasting consequences or when you lost it with a family member saying words that cannot be unsaid affecting them forever). However when these situations arise, not everything is always lost: what you can do is take responsibility for your actions, apologize, admit your limits, acknowledge your loved ones’ feelings, recognize your behaviors and learn from them, analyze the unmet needs that lead you to your wrong decision making and get in touch with the fear or the pain that lay beneath it.
I said to God,” Let me love you”
And He replied, “Which part?”
“All of you, all of you,” I said.
“Dear,” God spoke, “you are as a mouse wanting to impregnate a tiger who is not even in heat. It is a feat way beyond your courage and strength. You would run from me If I removed my mask.”
I said to God again, “Beloved I need to love you – every aspect, every pore.”
And this time God said, “There is a hideous blemish on my body, though it is such an infinite small part of my Being – could you kiss that if it were revealed?”
“I will try, Lord, I will try.”
And then God said, “That blemish is all the hatred and Cruelty in this world.”
PS Love is the only answer to hatred…