Parenting standard is not related to social classes so raise your kids outside the trend

Have you ever heard in movies or in real life parents sobbing as they have an addicted/criminal child and they don’t understand where they did wrong? They may keep on talking about all they got for them, how they taught them some good manners, that they sent them to the best schools there could be… The truth is our children don’t remember how we tell them they should behave, they simply pick up on who we are and how we treat them. Drugs, lack of moral and even bad health conditions are not just a problem related to social classes: as parents we are all the same, from the poor, to the middle class, to the wealthy ones.

In fact, no matter how much money you have to buy them toys or experiences in funny places, if you are then absent most of the times to earn that money; no matter if they are well behaved in public and everyone admires you for that so you assume they will do well in life; they will treat themselves the exact same way they have been treated, searching for instance for the same intensity in drugs that reminds them of their first relationship with another human being, their parents. Neither have expectations on their career: even if they became lawyers or surgeons despite coming from a lower class, that does not necessarily mean they are happier than you who would struggled to make ends meet, they may simply become workaholic or shopaholic, another form of dependency as many others to fill the emptiness of their parents absence, physical or emotional is the same. Therefore the results lies on the level of bounding with them, as I believe those two links below demonstrate as well.

Realizing this determinative factor on your child’s future happiness puts a lot of pressure onto us as parents, so I really believe deciding to conceive another human being (or keeping a pregnancy, in case it was an accident) is a very important decision to make. And once you have decided to go ahead, stick with it, so don’t forget to play with your children, your time with them is the most precious gift you have to give; always repeat them positive affirmations (to simplify anything that makes them feel they are such a precious child <3), avoiding the emotional messages as much as possible (to give an idea, comments implying a child is not loveable if he/she misbehaves) but remember also to look after yourself well, as the better you feel inside, the more benefits will reflect into your relationship with them. This I have just described, with all its deductions, is one important way, in my modest opinion, to give them an extra chance to have fulfilling lives.

TED – How childhood trauma affects health across a lifetime

Article – The Likely Cause of Addiction Has Been Discovered, and It Is Not What You Think

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